~ What if staying close to your preferred and truer self could mean something different than “setting boundaries”? ~
Author: Melda Baysal Walsh
Within the last three years, I found myself reflecting on the notion of “setting boundaries” occasionally as it has come up in my work with clients. With the intention of addressing the challenges I have witnessed people come up against while trying to “set boundaries” in their lives, I would like to invite you to join me on a brief journey of contemplation about this topic. The following questions are intended to serve as reflection questions and might inspire you to be in further conversation about what it entails to “set boundaries”
- What do you know about “setting boundaries”?
- When has the need to “set boundaries” come into your life?
- What might “setting boundaries” be telling you and what might you be telling yourself when the notion of “setting boundaries” presents itself?
- What are the discourses that come to mind when thinking about “setting boundaries”?
- What connotations do actions around “setting boundaries” have”?
- What might “setting boundaries” look like?
- How might it impact us personally and relationally?
In an attempt to negotiate the term “boundaries” and find a description that is more fitting for me, I intentionally looked at what I am actually doing when I am engaging in a “boundary setting” (inter-)action. While further contemplating how I would like to reframe the intention of “setting boundaries”, viewing “boundaries” as “preferences” feels like a good alternative. If we looked at “boundaries” as pathways that guide us towards our preferences and towards our preferred ways of relating to others and the world around us, maybe even a preferred way of relating to ourselves, I imagine that “positioning ourselves in certain ways”, could be appreciated differently. Furthermore, it might allow us to “position ourselves in preferred ways” without feeling sensations of, for instance, “rejection”, “isolation”, and “guilt”, which might accompany the notion of “setting boundaries”.
Author: Melda Baysal Walsh
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